Field of Science

Dumbfuckers in Afghanistan quagmire

In a 4198 word essay on the dumbfuckedness of the war in Afghanistan, Evert Cilliers manages to express his dumbfounderment by using the word dumbfuck and derivatives twelve times.

IS OBAMA ABOUT TO BECOME JUST ANOTHER WAR CRIMINAL?

And the sad answer seems to be that he is. If I was dictator of the Nobel Peace Prize Committee, I would have awarded the prize to Obama only after he signed a statement promising to end the war in Afghanistan by this year.

Cilliers' article is mesmerizing. I'd quote the whole thing here, but that seems a bit excessive. Just a few nuggets, then:
1. AFGHANISTAN IS NOT A COUNTRY, IT'S A CRIMINAL ENTERPRISE
Afghanistan produces 93% of the world's opium, and this drug kills a 100,000 users a year. Like Burma, Afghanistan is basically a criminal enterprise.

2. HOW WE FUND THE DRUGLORDS AND THE TALIBAN
This is the situation in Afghanistan. No government. A fight between gangster-warlords and the Taliban for control of the opium, and us in the middle, backing the losers.

3. TWO OR THREE REASONS WE'RE IN AFGHANISTAN
There is a third reason we continue fighting in Afghanistan, the most important reason, and that is simply this: we're fighting there because we've been fighting there. It's much easier to start a war than to end a war. We're in Afghanistan because we're in Afghanistan -- the law of inertia.

4. THE WAR SERVES OUR POLITICS, NOT OUR INTERESTS
Here is the point: there is less justification for our war in Afghanistan now than there were ever was for our war in Iraq. The Afghanistan war is as necessary to our security as an indoor flush toilet is necessary to an elephant. There is nothing for us to win there, even if we achieve the impossible and put the gangster-warlords back in charge of Afghanistan, instead of the religious nuts.

5. OUR REAL ENEMIES IN THE MIDDLE EAST AREN'T THE TALIBAN OR IRAN, BUT ISRAEL AND SAUDI-ARABIA
But hey, we're dumbfucks, so we regard the two countries who screw us the most in the Middle East as our friends. Our foreign policy works AGAINST our interests. We MUST be a nation of consummate dumbfuckeronskis if we can't even get basic things like that right.

6. FROM MESSIAH TO WAR CRIMINAL IN LESS THAN A YEAR
Obama has already made one big mistake in his first year -- coddling Wall Street, because he is being advised by two economic war criminals, Summers and Geithner. Now, if he lets himself be swayed by the actual war criminals among his advisers, he will be nothing but a war criminal himself.

7. WE COULD WIN SOMETHING WITH MORE SCHOOLS INSTEAD OF MORE TROOPS
That would be money well spent -- educating the country's kids instead of killing their parents. But no, Obama is not thinking about building more schools there, but debating with his advisers and himself about whether he should send more troops there. A debate of dumbfucks by dumbfucks for dumbfucks.

8. THE ANNOYING ENDURANCE OF OUR DUMBFUCKERY
Imagine the irony if Barack goes and collects his Nobel Peace Prize after having sent more troops to their deaths in Afghanistan. From hopeful Messiah to war criminal in less than a year.

[Formatted to fit this screen, to run in the time allotted, and edited for content.]
Makes me wanna puke, really.

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