Field of Science

Best ever NIH grant application

I forgot to mention last week that a Joel Grus has written the greatest grant application that I have ever seen on his blog, YOUR RELIGION IS FALSE. With Francis Collins going to be the new director of the NIH, he should stand a fair chance of getting it.

We will collect a large assortment of scientists and randomly assign them to visit hydrological features, including aquifers, beaches, catadupae, drainage basins, endorheic basins, flood plains, infiltration basins, losing streams, percolation trenches, riparian zones, streams, and waterfalls. (I, for instance, will be randomly assigned to the “beach” treatment.)

Each scientist will be measured both before and after his trip using the Dawkins Scale of Religiosity, after which we will use some type of computer (which we will purchase with the grant money) to make graphs and play Minesweeper draw conclusions.

Based on the results of this first experiment, we will repeat on a larger scale, expanding the subject pool to include non-scientists, monkeys, kangaroos, and human embryonic stem cells.

If all goes well, I think we can get our work published in one of the InterVarsity Press science journals. We’d also present at some of the Campus Crusade science conferences, of course. And we’d be happy to facilitate inclusion of our results in the science curriculum in Texas.
Words in print rarely make me laugh out loud, but this os one of them. Bravo!


  1. Oh, this is a lovely case of "he's just said what everyone else was thinking." If politicians can get state funding for 'think-tank' trips to the Carribean, why can scientists "study" how much fun it is to lounge about sipping cocktails with little paper umbrellas?

  2. Politicians get cash to think in the Caribbean?

  3. Eh, not so much cash as private jets and days off from work. And presumably the privilege of borrowing credit cards from lobbyists so they can pay for lots of drinks with little straw hats.


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